Reflection

I have been contemplating a lot this week about what the Atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ, means to me in my life. Easter always makes me reflect on my testimony and it helps me remember the unbelievable gratitude I feel in my heart for the gift that my Heavenly Father has given to me, and to everyone that lives or has ever lived.

We, each and everyone of us, have the opportunity to return to live with our Heavenly Father and all of our loved ones again, after we depart from this life. This amazing gift would never be possible without the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. He took upon himself all of our pains, anguish and sins. He felt each and everyone of them. Mine and yours alike. He then was nailed to a cross and gave his life that we (all of us) might live again. What a Miracle!

I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who knows me well enough, to know that I could not do it alone. He knows that each and everyone of us will make mistakes along this journey of life. He knew, and was prepared to help us return home to him. I am grateful for the knowledge that HE LIVES and that he is waiting patiently for our return home.

I hope and pray that this Easter season allows you to also reflect upon the many blessings that each of you have in your own lives.
I add my own testimony of Jesus Christ and his resurrection to that of our Prophet Thomas S. Monson.

Happy Easter Everyone.

The Beginning Of Our New Normal

We have been home now for 4 days. I wanted to let you all know that the girls are doing just great. They seem to be settling in well and for the most part enjoying their new life.
We had a visit from some friends yesterday that allowed the girls to be able to talk in Russian. Zhenya spoke with Nastia, who had seemed to be struggling, about how she was feeling and then translated for me, so I could learn a few thins and answer a few questions. It was the greatest thing to happen. I feel like it opened some doors and allowed Nastia to hopefully feel a  little more comfortable here. She has been struggling (and I am sure will continue to struggle) with homesickness. That is to be expected, and we told her that we were not upset that she was feeling sad and we just want to find ways to help her feel better. I think she appreciated it and has been a lot happier since.

We also got the girls new bikes last night. It is the best present I have ever given someone. They have not gotten off them since we brought them home, and have giant grins on their faces the whole time they are riding. I love the pure joy that riding a bike can bring. They rode their bikes up and down the street over and over again and even started trying to do some tricks on them. There were a couple of spills, but they jumped right back on and kept going!

I was able to find a few foods that they like to eat and so we have been able to feed them, which makes me feel better.
Olena went ice skating for the first time and loved it. We couldn't talk Nastia into participating, but she had a fun time watching Miranda and Olena falling over.

We have mostly been trying to let the girls settle into their new home, family ad life. Nothing too exciting :)
The girls will be meeting a bunch (at church and family and friends coming to visit)of people over the next few days and week. I am hoping that it wont become too overwhelming for them.

We will be getting family pictures taken very soon, so you will all be able to see the new Maurin Family!

We hope that each one of you have a wonderful Easter and enjoy spending some time with your families.

I WILL and I WILL NOT

Now that we are officially done,(even though we don't leave until Monday) I have been thinking about all the things I will and won't miss about being in Ukraine. Here are a few of them

I WILL NOT miss driving on the messed up roads here.
I WILL miss being able to park anywhere I feel like it, (sidewalks included)

I WILL NOT miss not controlling where I go and when.
I WILL miss having a personal driver.

I WILL NOT miss feeling like I don't understand a word anyone is saying.
I WILL miss the amazing experience I have had, being forced to sort of learn a new language.

I WILL NOT miss feeling lost whenever I leave without my driver.
I WILL miss spending 9 weeks exploring Ukraine and other places in Europe.

I WILL NOT miss trying to navigate the Metro.
I WILL miss being cool enough to say I CAN navigate the Kiev Metro!

I WILL NOT miss trying to decide if I need a 'Packet' when I check out at the grocery store.
I WILL miss trying to tell them I want a packet while checking out at the store!

I WILL NOT miss all the emotional ups and downs of this journey.
I WILL miss the wonderful blessings and self discovery that has come from all those ups and downs.

I WILL NOT miss the bland food.
I WILL miss the opportunity to try new foods.

I WILL NOT miss having to say goodbye to my kids on skype.
I WILL miss the excitement on my kids faces when we called them on skype. Its great to feel loved.

I WILL NOT miss the weather in Kiev.
I WILL miss the weather in Italy!

I WILL NOT miss the strange smell that is in every dome (apartment building).
I WILL miss the experience of living in a dome.

I WILL NOT miss hanging my laundry to dry on the balcony or by the heater in the bedroom.
I WILL miss the tiny amount of laundry I have had to do.

I WILL NOT miss the tanks full of carp in the grocery store.
I WILL miss the raisin filled crackers I can buy here.

I WILL NOT miss the lack of Netflix and Hulu.
I WILL miss not watching so much TV.

I WILL NOT miss cramming us and all our luggage into a 2x3 elevator.
I WILL miss having an elevator to ride in.

I WILL NOT miss feeling the stress of being away from my family and my responsibilities.
I WILL miss being away with my husband and girls without any real responsibilities.

I WILL NOT miss living out of a suitcase.
I WILL miss traveling the world.


I WILL NOT miss seeing how many children are lonely and need families.
I WILL miss getting to know those kids, and seeing them smile when you talk to them.

These are just a few of the things I have been thinking about. I am sure I could keep going. This part of our journey is coming to an end (thankfully). It has been an amazing few months and none of it could have happened without the fabulous support of all our friends, family and people we haven't even met.
We will be forever grateful to all of you that have been there with us throughout this journey. It has been fun to share with you all of our ups and downs. I know that I have been frustrated along the way, but honestly I wouldn't change a thing. We wouldn't have reached this place without everything that has happened.

We know that the real journey is just beginning. Life for our family will never be the same. While we are all very excited about that, I am also scared out of my mind. I pray everyday, that I will be shown the way. I know with all my heart, that the Lord will continue to be with us every step of the way. I hope you all will as well.
Because this is just the beginning.......

WE ARE DONE!!!

I can hardly believe that I am saying that. WE are officially done with everything and ready to go home. Unfortunately our tickets aren't until Monday. We tried to find new flights but everything cost us an extra $1000 per person and we couldn't justify that, even though I want nothing more then to come home. I have to wait 2 more days. It seems like forever now I know we can leave, but at least now there is an end in sight. Olena is super excited to be going home. She keeps asking me when we are going to leave and sighing and telling me its too long, when I tell her. Nastia is indifferent to it. I asked her if she is scared to fly, she assures me she isn't, but I am not so sure. I think she is a little overwhelmed by it all but doesn't want to admit it.

We went today to get the medicals done for the girls. Nastia did not like it one bit. She had to get her blood drawn and is apparently very afraid of needles, so was quite upset, but tried her best to hide it from us. Both girls passed their exams and are healthy. After collecting the documents from the Dr we went back to the Embassy to pick up our paperwork and visas allowing entrance and citizenship in the USA.

Now we sit in our tiny apartment waiting. I wanted to take the girls to look around Kiev, but the weather is really bad today, so I think we will stay inside and maybe see things tomorrow if it gets better. 

We had some extra expenses come up that we weren't expecting, because of the extra driving back and forth between schools. Now I have the fun job of trying to find the money to cover it. Wish me luck!!

Passports!!!

Yesterday the long awaited passports came. I was very excited as was Olena. Nastia was a little hesitant. I think it is becoming a real and a little scary for her now.
We were moved to our second Odessa apartment and now at 4.30am on Thursday morning we await our driver to head to Kiev to start the Embassy process before we head home.
I cannot express how excited I am to be finally almost done with this. I am so ready to be at home with some normality in my life and to finally join my two families together.

When we arrive in our apartment in Kiev I will update properly.
Thanks for joining me on my journey!

My Little Rant!

Throughout this whole journey I have done my very best to stay as positive as possible. I knew coming into it, that there would be challenges all along the way. And there most definitely have been!!!
I have tried and tried to just look at this situation through the eyes of my Savior, and know that the things that I really want, and the time line I have in my mind, are not usually what he has in mind for me. Honestly I still know that. But today, I am struggling to understand why I am still waiting, when others that started the process after us, are now moving ahead?

I know that in the grand scheme of this process I am at the end. I am currently waiting for the girls passports before I can head back to Kiev to finish up at the Embassy and go home. We had hoped that the passports would be here today, after we returned from Balta, but alas they are not. Which means we have to spend another day waiting and pay for another night in an apartment in Odessa. Ironically this is the most expensive apartment we have stayed in so far!! Typical right :)

I had hoped to be driving to Kiev tomorrow and seeing the embassy on Thursday and hopefully flying home Friday. But it looks now like I will be staying ANOTHER weekend, just sitting around with nothing to do, spending money I don't have.

I am also frustrated about a miscommunication with the Orphanage director in Balta today. It didn't cause any problems with our process, so no worries there, but it did take away some of the money I had planned to use to help fund things. Also frustrating!! Nothing can be done about it now and I am trying to not think about it, but it is just one more thing to add to the long list of issues that I have had to deal with.

I am tired, and frustrated and I just want to go home and feel some kind of normality. I want the girls to meet their new family and I want to start our new life. But for now we just WAIT some more!!
Okay Rant over

I Love Sundays

I thought that since today was Sunday, and it has been a while since I have been in a town that there was a church, I would attempt to find somewhere to go.
lds.org has an awesome meetinghouse finder that allowed me to be able to find a branch to go to this morning here in Odessa. I was all prepared to have to catch a bus to be able to find it, but luckily for me it was just around the corner, only about 10 mins walk away.

I got up and got myself all ready before I woke the girls (they had gone to sleep pretty late last night). I told them to wash their hair ( I have to remind them to do this) and get ready to leave for church. While Olena had already attended church with us once before, Nastia has never been to a Mormon church, I was a little concerned how they would both respond. 
We headed out for our little jaunt across the main square and found the Branch building all locked up. I looked at the time and we were early, but only 15mins. I didn't really understand why it would be locked but I thought, "let's just wait a minute and see if someone comes!" I am so glad we did. A super nice young adult girl came and asked me if the Elders had invited us today. I explained that I was here from Utah and while I was a member the girls had never been to church before. She was very welcoming to both me and the girls and explained that they were actually having a District Conference today at the Hotel around the corner. She had just parked her car and was about to walk there with her mom when they spotted us. She showed us the way, and we were introduced to some Elders and a Senior couple that we sat with. I had a wonderful Ukrainian man named Sasha sit behind us and translate for both myself and the couple.
I know I said this last time I attended the ward in Kiev, but these people are AMAZING. There testimonies truly inspire me. They are wonderfully strong and it is fantastic to see the joy they receive from attending a conference like that. I have to point out that I asked the girl that showed us the way, if it was a big conference and she replied that it was. I guess to someone like me it wasn't a lot of people (there were less people then in our ward) but to these amazing saints a group like that, together, is huge! They are the pioneers of Ukraine.
The talks that were given were inspired. There were talks about building the kingdom and strengthening families, but my favorite, the one that hit home and made me grateful to be there, was given by a beautiful older lady. I didn't catch her name or what her calling was, but she spoke about how children are a blessing from our Heavenly Father. That we as parents have the obligation to love and care for them always. No matter how old they are. There was a lot of talk about how important families are and how we can be with our families forever. I know that the girls were listening to at least some of it. There were some funny things said and they were laughing at the appropriate times, but I don't know how much they truly took in.
Today was kind of a long first church experience. I hope and pray that they will still be willing to go once we get home. I am truly grateful that I was able to find the church today and that someone was kind enough to lead us to where we were supposed to be. I am grateful for the spirit that was felt and for the testimonies of these Saints.

I have noticed that for the last couple of days, Anastasia has been really grumpy with me. She watches TV and laughs and laughs. Her and Olena run around joking and playing. When I go into see them, she sits quietly and wont look at me unless I make her. She will hold my hand and hug me if I ask her to, but most of the time she just looks miserable and won't talk. She called her friends after church, which I hoped would help her mood. She talked for a while with them, laughing and joking. It did help her for a little while, then she went back to being upset again.
Olena told me she was annoyed with her for being so grumpy. I explained that while she has been waiting and preparing to leave for 6 months, Nastia only met us a matter of weeks ago. This has been a whirlwind experience for her and she was not prepared. I am not upset that she is being grumpy, I just wish I could help her fell better.
I asked her if she was mad at us for taking her to America. She adamantly said NO! But I am not so sure. I keep telling her that we love her and that we are so happy that she is in our family and that she is coming to America.  But nothing helps. I occasionally get to see a forced smile, but only when I tell her to. I wish I knew how to make her happy.
If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them. I know I can't rush it, and I am not trying too. I just want her to understand that we only want what is best for her.

Tomorrow should be our last day of just waiting around. Then we will be heading back to Balta to finish the paperwork there. Maybe once we are moving around and not just stuck in a small apartment, Nastias mood might change. Wish us luck!

Odessa

Today has been an odd kind of day. We didn't have any plans so we slept in a little and then just sat around the apartment for the morning. I talked the girls into going shopping (which for Nastia was a little difficult) and we headed over the the very large mall across the street.
I am still unsure as too what kinds of things Anastasia has seen before. I know Olena will still experience new things, but since she has visited with us in America already I know there are things that are not new to her. Anastasia was a little awestruck at the size of the mall and was a little weirded out by the escalators (at first). They both thought the glass elevator was cool but also a little scary (at least that is what I got from the sounds they were making!!)
We walked around the mall for a while and found a few (although somewhat overpriced) items. I am still desperately trying to find a place that sells underwear that is NOT naughty lingerie! I feel like purchasing that kind of underwear would be the right message to send to them :)
It was really hard to shop, which is something I love to do, because they didn't have any opinion about the things they liked. Occasionally they would say yes I like that but otherwise I was just on my own. I knew that this was how it would be for a while. For years they have been given clothes to wear without any choice. Usually children from orphanages become very overwhelmed with the idea of having a choice, that they will break down or become resentful when forced to choose. I tried to not let it get to that point and only made them shop for a short period of time.
Then grabbed a few groceries ( I had the same experience with the food choices. It became a little frustrating) and headed back to the apartment.
To take a break from the shopping, we decided it would be fun to wake up Mike with a phone call  (it was 5.30am) so we did. I think he didn't really appreciate it at first, but later was happy we had woken him that way. We in turn woke all the kids up and had a nice chat with everyone together. While we were there my facilitator called and said that our driver was coming to pick us up to take us to get the girls pictures taken for their visas. Sergei came by and took us to the kodak store and then kindly took us on a tour of Odessa. He showed us a bunch of cool places and I decided i very much like Odessa. It was settled and created by a French man and reminded me very much of walking around France. It was funny to have it feel that way and then hear people speak Russian. But it doesn't have the dreary feeling that a lot of other towns we have visited have. We took lots of pictures and I joked with Sergei that he needed to be a photographer. He told me that he actually was! Olena was not excited to be having so many pictures taken. We were all trying to encourage her to smile and have fun with it, but she just wasn't enjoying herself.
After our tour we headed to one more shop to see if I could find some shirts for them. We found a couple but Olena looked like she was miserable. When we were about done I asked her if she was okay and this time she said no. I looked at her again and she looked like she was going to pass out. I had Nastia take her outside for some fresh air while I quickly finished the purchases. Once I came outside, I found both girls with a nice women helping them. She tried to explain something to me, but of course I didn't understand. She seemed very concerned about Olena, and went and found someone to speak to me. She told me I needed to get her some sweet tea to drink, which I did. While I was waiting to get it she asked me if the girls were friends of mine. I replied that they were my daughters, that I had just adopted them. She was shocked, but is also seemed like she was annoyed. I am hoping that is just my own worries being projected onto her. I felt like I was useless. I didn't know how to help her because I couldn't understand her. It made me feel like a terrible mother! We made it back to the apartment and Olena is fine. She rested for a while and now seems to be just fine. I hope that in the future I will be able to recognize and understand when the girls aren't feeling well and that I will be better prepared to help them.

Today pointed out some frustrations and concerns I have for the future, but we got through it. While I know its going to be like this for a while to come, I hope the girls wont hold it against me. I am trying the best I know how to be a good mother to them. I hope they know that.

My computer wont read my sd card so I can't upload any pictures till I get back, sorry.

Everything Is Still Going As Planned!!

We have been busy, busy, busy since I last posted. After arriving in Kiev I was driven down to Balta to pick up Anastasia. I had heard all about the farewells at other orphanages and expected to have something similar at my girls school. But sadly that wasn't the case. Our facilitator had to sign some papers and then Anastasia and her friends cam out to the van where she said a quick goodbye to them before she got in and we drove away. We spent a few more hours in Balta then headed on another long drive down south the the girls home town of Tarutyna. We spent the night just outside of Tarutyna in another small town (only this one had one hotel) in a freezing hotel room. Anastasia and I were bundled up in blankets trying to stay warm. It wasn't quite as bad as the room Mike and I stayed in, but it was close!

The next morning we collected the original birth certificates and our new ones with Mike and I listed as the girls parents as well as a few other things from Tarutyna. It was quite a depressing town, and we spent most of the day there sitting in the van waiting for our facilitator to do everything he needed to. I am so grateful that he is here with us, I am not sure that I would have any idea what I was doing otherwise!
After the paperwork for this town was completed we went to say goodbye to the girls brother and father, who live in a "care facility" in town. I say care facility because that is technically what it is, but it isn't any place that I would want to end up living when I get old. We found the room that they were in and when we entered I wanted to throw up, the smell of urine was so bad. I had to try really hard to not gag the whole time we were in there. The room we entered into had to twin beds along the wall but nothing else. we then entered the next room, which was more a hallway between rooms, and there sitting in his wheelchair was the girls brother. He was very happy to see Anastasia and they embraced for a long time. Behind him in a small bed was the girls dad. He was clearly bed ridden and seemed to not know what was going on at all. It was so sad to see him in such a place. Anastasia did not speak to him, I think she just knew he couldn't respond. She just very lovingly placed her hands on his cheeks and and stroked his face gently for a few minutes. I am not sure what he understood, but I think he must have known she was there because I noticed a tear run down his cheek. We took a few pictures for the girls to keep and before we left their brother spoke with a very sad Anastasia. I am not sure what he said but I think it helped her feel more relaxed and at peace with leaving.
I was worried about going to visit their family, because I thought that maybe it would make Nastia want to stay here, but my thoughts while I was there were just that I am grateful for the love that was clearly shown to the girls while they were growing up. It has made them who they are and I am hopeful that because of that they will be able to make a better transition into our family.
Since our visit, Anastasia has been a little more open and affectionate and what feels like willing and prepared to leave with me. I am grateful for that.

After the visit we headed down to Izmail to do more paperwork. After the long bumpy ride we made it to the orphanage and waited (Nastia was very excited) for Olena to come out. It was so fun to see them see each other for the first time in years. Lots of hugging and a few tears.

We went with Olena to finish up some paperwork then took her back to the school so she could collect her things.
This morning we took a ride one last time to Olenas school and signed the last papers and said good bye to all her friends. We were all excited to be together. We finished up some things in Izmail and drove to Odessa.
We applied for passports (where we were yelled at by an angry Russian lady for apparently cutting in line! I kept telling her that I didn't understand her but she was so mad that she tried to stop us being led, by the people that worked there, into the office) and background checks (since the girls are 14 and older)and then we were brought the the apartment that we will spend the next 6 days waiting for the passports. Luckily we are in Odessa and not Balta!! There is apparently a lot to see here, and we need to do some shopping for clothes for the girls to get them through until we make it back to America. They were not allowed to leave the orphanages with anything. Olena had to change into clothes that I had brought with me before we could go!
So if there is anyone that has some gently used clothes that are about a size 1 or 2 pants and size extra small or small tops, we would greatly appreciate a donation!! Getting wardrobes for two new children is going to be very difficult.
We will need to make one more trip to Balta to De-register Anastasia from her school before we pick up the passports, then we will drive to Kiev and start the final step of getting our visas and exit interview. Then we can COME HOME!! Not long now, I am so excited!!
Right now I am sitting in my room listening to the girls in their room giggling with each other. I am not sure what they are laughing about, who knows it may be me, but it is a great sound.

On a different note, I was talking with my good friend Amanda and our friend Daniel (who is Russian and was translating for the girls) on skype tonight, and Amanda asked the girls what they are most excited for when they come to America? They replied, "I don't know, we already have what we have waited for!" That almost made me cry!! I held it together though :) I am so glad that even though we are taking them away from everything they have ever known and going to a place that for Anastasia at least, will be scary and a lot of hard work, they are just happy to have a family! our family!!! That is the best reward of all.

Oh I have pictures of stuff (Nastia is a budding photographer and has been snapping pictures all day!) that I will post as soon as I can get them to upload, technical difficulties!  Sorry!!

Back to Kiev

I made it.
Kiev is still snowy and very cold. I was hoping that it would have warmed up a little or at least that the snow would have cleared up, but alas, it looks like it snowed just recently!

My trip was long and boring. Although Swiss Air is really nice to fly with. I would definitely fly with them again. I feel like I have gone 2 full days with out speaking to anyone, but that isn't really true. I did sit next to a very nice older gentleman from Bosnia, who know lives in Chicago and has a niece that lives in SLC. I also had a young man (I think he was probably 17 or 18, at least that is what he looked like) sitting one row in front and across the aisle from me, stare at me the awkwardly for most of the flight. I wasn't sure what to do with myself, so I spent almost the entire time looking out the window or at least pretending to! Other then that my travels were pretty boring.

I was met at the airport by my driver and taken to the store for food and then on to my apartment for the night. I will be picked up at 5.20am and then we will head out on our road trip to the orphanages. I can't wait to see the girls and I can't wait to see them see each other after almost 3 years. What an amazing reunion that will be. 

The Beginning Of The End!

This week has been a little crazy for me. I have been meaning to catch up on blogging about our visit to Paris and what has been happening since I got home, but just haven't had a minute to spare.
Today marks a pretty important moment. I am flying back to Ukraine to finish this amazing adventure that our family started 7 months ago. I can hardly believe that it has been so long. Sometimes I think that everything is taking such a long time to complete, but in reality things have gone pretty quickly, despite all the set backs we had a long the way.
I am hoping and praying that the next two weeks will go well, and without problems. I am not concerned about traveling alone, I have done that before many times. I am concerned however, that I will not be able to communicate with the girls. Mike is a little better with the communication stuff, so that is my major concern for this trip.
I am super excited to see the girls, but I am most excited to see them see each other! It has been almost 3 years since they last saw each other. They have spoken on the phone many times but what a sight it will be to see them finally reunited. I can't wait.

Once I arrive in Ukraine I will be doing a lot of driving back and forth collecting the girls and their birth certificates and then passports and visas, then finally going back to Kiev to finish the paperwork at the Embassy that will allow them to be citizens.
This has been a long journey that has changed our lives forever. I can't wait to bring the girls home and finally all be a family.

Wish me luck!!