Petition For Help

I have been struggling lately with feeling like things aren't working out the way we had planned. We worked so hard to get all our paperwork done as quickly as possible, so that we could hopefully have Olena home with us by the holidays. We have done everything in our power to make this a possibility and now it is out of our hands. That is the hardest thing to deal with. We want our daughter home as quickly as we can but we have no control over whether or not we get an appointment this year. We are praying fervently that we will be traveling this year, but that is all we can do. But, even though I am worried about it, I am not giving up hope that we will make it over there this year.

We are able to write to Olena and call her as often as we want to. It is harder for her to respond, but we get messages passed on to us by her director. I received this just today! " Olena teaches English and prays to God when the time of your meeting. Olena you, all loves. We love you very much and we kiss deeply. Olena sends you all a huge hello. Melanie. So long."
The messages are never long but they are always very meaningful. I know people wonder how we can know that she is our daughter and how we can love her, when we only knew her for 2 weeks. That is a  fair question. My only response is that we just know. Unless you have felt it, you can't adequately explain how you know something is true. You just do. She is ours and she is meant to be here with us.

Yesterday, after speaking with a new friend, one I believe will become a great friend, I learned that Olena had been here to the USA once before. She had come last summer with a group and stayed with a family in LA. She had the opportunity to have a family want her and no one did. She felt rejected and probably unloved. She has seen so much sadness in her short life and when she arrived here in Utah, she knew why she was here and didn't want anything to do with it. She didn't want to get her heart broken again. But we saw a different girl then others saw the first couple of weeks she was here. She laughed and played and loved. She opened herself up to our family and we to her. We found each other.

This is where you all come in.


WE NEED YOU! We NEED your fervent prayers for us to get a court date this year. We have done all we can do it is in the Lords hands now. Please help us petition him.

Yes we still need financial help. We do have a long way to go. We have to be up to date with our fees before we can travel. So our short term goal at the moment is to raise $9300. SO, Please look in your hearts, and wallets, and the hearts and wallets of your friends and help us bring our daughter home - We can only save her life with your help!!!

I know there may be others that need help at this time of year. And I am sure that some of you are thinking that we got ourselves into this, why should you help us. But please remember this
Olena has no one else fighting for her. We are the only ones that want her. The Ukrainian government won't fight for her, her biological parents won't fight for her, not even her living siblings will fight for her. They are all to addicted to drugs and alcohol to care about her. No one else will fight for her.

But we will. With the help of you, we can save her life.

How It All Began

I wanted to share with you the blog post that started this adventure for me. If you haven't had a chance to look through the other pages on our blog, then you haven't heard how our adoption journey started. I plan to make it easy for you by sharing it here in a shortened version.

I was sitting around on facebook one day in the summer, and came across a link to a blog that my wonderful relief society president had posted. This blog shared a story about two 13 year old girls and their experience having their very first hair cut. I was so touched by their story, I KNEW I had to meet them. Here is the post I read.

After chatting with the Mr about the possibility of having one of them stay with us, I called and was told that they had a bunch of boys that needed families. I was very willing to have one of these boys in our home, but something kept telling me that I needed to ask about the girls I had seen. I usually am not great about following feelings like these, but this time I did. I awkwardly (i say awkwardly because I didn't want them to feel like I was unhappy with being offered a boy) asked if one the girls in the picture were available. I had feeling I wanted to meet one in particular but I would have been happy with either. Luckily for me Rob told me the girls were staying with him and he would be glad to have Olena come to us. I KNOW that if I hadn't have followed the prompting I was given, we wouldn't have met Olena and it would have been a very different experience for us. 
After meeting Olena, the Mr and I discussed the possibility of adopting her and he reminded me of the comment made to us by Rob "Don't think of adoption unless you truly believe that the child is meant to be part of your family. There are cheaper ways to help these kids." This comment ran through my mind over and over again. We decided that we needed to know if she truly was meant to be with us or if we were just trying to be good Samaritans and save this girl. So, we fasted all day one Sunday and then prayed very fervently to know if she was our daughter. We both felt very strongly that she was in fact our daughter and there was no more discussion about it. We just went on with life with the knowledge that we were going to be adopting her. We had no idea how we were going to pay for it (which was a big reservation of the Mr. He doesn't like to be someone that jumps into things without a plan, hoping the Lord will somehow bail us out) But we knew it would be okay.

We still believe that. We know that somehow we will find a way to make this happen. We are rapidly approaching our deadline and hoping and praying for a miracle to help us pay the fees that are due.
I struggle to ask for help from people, but have found that with this journey I have had to step far out of my comfort zone and ask and beg and plead for peoples assistance. It has been a humbling experience to say the least. I know it will continue to be just that, humbling. So, I HUMBLY ask again, for you to share our story with everyone you know during this holiday season. Email people a link to our blog, ask them to help us by donating. What ever you can do would be such a blessing to us, but most especially to Olena. She longs to see us again, and I am told by the director of her orphanage, that she asks about us everyday to make sure we haven't forgotten about her.

Please help us find our way over to her, so we can giver her a family. We sincerely appreciate you all.

Are You An Orphan Hater?

I wanted to share with you a post I read on the Truax Family's blog. I am not as eloquent a writer as Shelly is, so I didn't want to try to re-create her post, especially when it was written so beautifully to begin with. Shelly shares a few things from her experience in the summer with her kids. While ours wasn't exactly the same and we only had 1 child stay with us, and it was only for 2 weeks, I think that you can still get the idea I am trying to share.

Are You An Orphan Hater?

Early on in this journey I approached someone about helping me with our “adoption adventure”.  They were pretty blunt in letting me know that this was not a cause they would support, and that was the end of that.  I’ve never heard from them again.  I completely understand that everyone has certain causes that resonate.  Everyone has something that inspires them to volunteer their time and/or dig deep into their pockets as they show support to their cause of choice.  And it’s different for all of us what that cause is (and that’s really a good thing!).  However, I admit that after this individual turned me down, we joked that this person must hate orphans.  We truly said this in good fun and certainly didn’t have any bad feelings towards this person or anyone else that is unable or even unwilling to donate to our cause.

Then, shortly thereafter, a friend of mine wrote a blog post entitled “10 Reasons I Hate Orphans”.  It made me laugh a little when I read the title.  And then, as I read it, I realized it was NOT funny.

Now, 2 ½ months later, I would like to attempt my own version of this blog post.  Although my reasons are the same (in fact, I’ve shared some of her words verbatim), there are some differences as they’re based on my personal experiences.

10 Reasons I Hate Orphans

 
1. Orphans Are Incredibly Difficult To Sell:  I mean it – REALLY HARD!  People love babies.  They will buy babies until the cows come home.  But with Orphans they want to test drive them, and kick the tires, they want discounts, and warranties.  It is really hard to move an Orphan, and when I look at the stock of orphans, there are always more waiting to be sold.  It’s sad really, that such innocent children that have been dealt such a hard lot in life are immediately viewed as damaged and unwanted.  No doubt that trauma, neglect, and abandonment cause problems.  But as my dad has always told me, “They just need somebody to love them”.

2. Orphans Make Your Biological Children Look Bad:  While Alina stayed with us I didn’t have to take out the garbage once.  She took on that job all on her own and later said it was one of her favorite things about staying with us.  One Saturday we cleaned the house, cars and garage.  Each time Albina would finish her job, she would come find me, get another job, and happily get back to work.  She said that this was one of her favorite activities while visiting. They made their beds.  They put their laundry away (and by putting it away, I mean they actually hung it up and didn’t just hide it in a pile in the closet).  Alina opened the blinds and took out the dog each morning.  (All this without being asked).  Even though we ate food that was entirely different from what they eat in Ukraine, they never complained and always ate what was served.  Then they said “thank you” and took their dish to the sink.  I don’t know about you, but this is NOT typical behavior of the children in my home.  It was lovely.

3. Orphans Make It Difficult To Believe Your Problems Are Real Problems:  When you’re exposed to the life of an Orphan, you start realizing how blessed you are.  After an especially difficult situation, I realized how fragile Alina was.  How hurt she had been and how desperately she needed to be wanted and loved.  It made my heart ache and caused me to realize how fortunate I am to have always had a stable family.  No longer did I think my problems were major problems… I’ve always had the most important things available to me in my life (even during my most challenging times).  Exposure to the life of an orphan changes your perspective.  It makes you feel petty and small for worrying and complaining about such silly things all the time.

4.  Orphans Make You Question Your Spending:  I mean REALLY question it!  We spend so much money on cute shoes, manicured nails, haircuts, nice pump soap by each sink, eating out, etc. etc. etc.  Every time I spend money now I second-guess myself (and that’s AFTER I’ve given up a lot of things to save for this adoption).  After being exposed to the life of an orphan, it seems like almost everything I would typically spend is frivolous (even things I’ve at one time or another convinced myself are needs).  It just seems silly to spend and waste so much money that could have gone to saving a life.  This is one of the most difficult reasons because it makes you feel especially selfish and like you may not be a good and charitable person.  It becomes a constant battle with yourself.

5.  Orphans Make You Question Your Relationships:  It’s crazy!  You think you have a ton of friends that will always be there for you through thick and thin (and if you were to go through a divorce, or got into a car accident, they probably would be), but just start talking about orphans and good gravy you find out what the hearts of the people around you are made of.  And in some cases, you may find out your friends are not worth having.  (I kept this exactly as my friend wrote it… this was one of my greatest fears going into this “adoption adventure”.  Fortunately, I have learned that I have many wonderful and supportive people around me.  Unfortunately, I have learned that there are also many relationships that were not quite what I thought they were. *sigh*)

6.  Orphans Are Exhausting:  I had never felt so exhausted as I did while Albina and Alina were visiting us… until they left.  And then I felt even more exhausted.  The “adoption adventure” is nothing like the exhaustion you feel after 3 days of “adventure” at Disneyland.  It’s completely physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting.  It’s busy and difficult and it feels lonely.  It gets you out of your comfort zone (which is always exhausting!).  It forces a person that strives to be self-sufficient to reach out and ask for help (LOTS of help).  It causes you to become open and vulnerable.  It puts you in a position where you must let down your guard, where your mistakes and thoughts and feelings are all on display.  This is an uncomfortable position that is usually avoided, but Orphans cause you to think beyond yourself and your exhaustion and just keep moving forward (regardless of how uncomfortable).

7.  Orphans Are Expensive:  REALLY expensive. Many people ask me why it costs so much.  They ask why the process would be so difficult when all we want to do is take children that were unwanted and love them and care for them and WANT them?  You would think that Orphans would be free or cost less than regular children.  But NO!  Orphans have processes and paperwork, red tape up one side and down the other.  To get the orphans you have to travel to countries that aren’t known for their sunny beaches, or site seeing destinations (when dreaming of a European vacation someday, believe it or not, Ukraine was not on my list of places to visit).  And to top it off, you are required to stay in those countries for who knows how long.  This can (and does) cost a fortune.  But when you find Orphans that were meant to be your children, you don’t question the cost.  You simply do whatever it takes to get them home!
 
8.  Orphans Have Terrible Teeth:  It took a number of days for us to even see Albina’s teeth.  (We shared the same experience with Olena) She was so embarrassed by them that whenever she would smile or laugh she would hold her hand over her mouth.  Orphans don’t get regular dental care, so many of them have teeth that are full of cavities and crooked.  They don’t have dental check-ups every 6 months or orthodontic care.  If they have genes that are less than stellar, well, too bad for them!
 
9.  Orphans Are Addictive:  The other night my daughters and I were talking about the Orphans that visited this summer.  We were going through each of the Orphans and discussing who had found adoptive families and who hadn’t.  When we got to one set of siblings that didn’t find a family we talked about how much we loved them and how much we wanted them to find a family.  My husband overheard this conversation and good-naturedly said, “NO!  I’m putting my foot down at three orphans.  Seven kids is all we can handle!”  While I realize he is right (primarily because we have felt directed to adopt these 3 specific kids and not different kids or additional kids), it is HARD to see any of these beautiful Orphans remain unwanted and living in an orphanage.  I want to help them, I want to find them a family, I want them to know joy and love and stability.  It’s hard to not think beyond saving only three children from a difficult future!

 
10.  (this is the most important one) Orphans Break Your Heart!:  They do!! They get right in there and break it right open. Your heart physically aches.  And no matter what you do, it will ache forever, because there are always more Orphans.  So you are left with a broken heart, that you go around trying to mend by doing everything you can think of to save just ONE life  (or in our case, THREE lives).  And you hope that although your efforts will never be enough, they will make some sort of difference.
 
AND FINALLY (because I don’t want to only focus on the Hating of Orphans):

I’ve been asked how I could love these kids after only 4 weeks of having them in my home. 

I’ve been asked how I could know they were meant to be my children immediately upon seeing their pictures.

There’s really not a good explanation.

You would have to experience it yourself to understand what it’s like,

Because I never would have understood otherwise.

BUT

Sometimes it’s impossible to explain why you love someone. 

It’s not anything they do or don’t do. 

It’s not anything they are or aren’t. 

It’s not out of pity. 

It’s not out of obligation. 

It’s not out of duty. 

It’s just because somehow your heart was opened to the possibility that it was big enough to love and give more than it ever dreamed possible. 

And it’s as simple as acknowledging that you were meant to do something more.

That you were meant to love and be with someone forever. 

And then suddenly, you can’t imagine your family being any other way then with that person

(Or those persons in this case). 

So you love. 

You just LOVE.

 

 

 

 

I cannot tell you how deeply I echo these words. Life for our family will never be the same, and I am so excited about that. If you can help us, please share our story. We really need your help!

Fundraising Help

We enjoyed a quite Thanksgiving this year. We did spend Wednesday evening with the Maurin and Depew extended families and had a really nice time. But Thursday we took the kids to see a movie and then just relaxed at home.  We hope that you all had a really nice holiday.

I have been following another family and their very exciting journey to adopt 3 siblings from Ukraine. Two of the three kids were here over the summer with Olena. We didn't get to know this family but we did see them at the airport saying their sad goodbyes just like us. Their journey is a lot more expensive then ours, but not any more exciting or heartbreaking (depending on the day) than ours. They are at about the same place we are, and in all likely hood we will probably be traveling over to Ukraine together.
It has been fun to watch them succeed in their fundraising efforts. I just read today that they are over half way to their goal. They have raised a lot and have has so much support. It is great to see.
But, like them we are still in need of help. We haven't been as lucky and are not close to half way yet. I am still hopeful that we will be able to get where we need to be. BUT, that said, like the Truax family, I am out of ideas. I am not discouraged, just unsure what to do next. I need ideas for fundraisers and I need people that might be willing to help me plan them. Please share your ideas with us. Remember we are now able to accept tax deductible donations through Eli project so if you know a business that might be willing to help us out, please let me know.

We are getting ready for a baptism. My Little Lucy is 8 and gets baptized on Saturday. She is so excited and has her new dress ready. She is having a few of her friends sing and she can't wait. I on the other hand, can. I can't believe that she is old enough to be baptized.  Hopefully the font wont be too deep for her to stand in!

Some Random Thoughts

Still waiting. It's going to be a long few weeks waiting to hear something from the SDA.
I have been thinking a lot about what it will be like to have our daughter home after such a long wait. I know it will be great, but I also know it will come with it's own share of problems and trials. I think I am prepared for them, but I know I really am not!! And that's okay :)

Olena turns 14 in a few weeks. We were hoping to be able to spend the day with her (her birthday happens to be the same day as mine!) but now we know that isn't some thing that will happen. We are trying to come up with a gift that we can send over, that she will be able to keep, and not have assimilated into the orphanage. I am coming up short. I can't think if anything that will work. If any of you have any suggestions please let me know.

Thinking about her turning 14 and Miranda turning 13 is making me a little nostalgic for the years that we missed with her. I understand that she wasn't available to us earlier and I understand that she might not have been ready to accept us as her family before now. But, it is a little sad to think that she will be an adult so soon and will be off on her own. We really only have a few years with her, to help her become all she can become. To help her understand her true worth and to help her know and feel like she is part of our family forever.  It's kind of a huge task!! But we are ready..... hopefully. All we need now is to get her here. Please continue to share our story with everyone. We still need help to reach our goal. Please continue to pray and if you haven't all ready please help us by doing so. We don't want to miss any more time with her then is necessary.

Thoughts about Olean being  part of our family, lead me to think abo her joining our church. Olena isn't a member of the Church and will have to be taught by the missionaries. We really hope that she accepts the gospel into her life and chooses to be baptized and to be sealed to us forever. What a joyous occasion that will be for our family. 

I wish  had more news to share, but we appreciate your continued support of our family.

I Am Thankful

I have been thinking a lot today about the holidays, since tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It is amazing to me how quickly this year has come and gone.
The holidays are kind of a hard time of year for me. Its feels silly even admitting it because I feel like I am a pretty independent person and have done really well since moving to America, away from my very large family. The Mr has no siblings and his dad passed away a few years ago, which leaves his mom and us. He does have a large extended family which I get a long well with, but we only see maybe once a year! During these short family get togethers, I always feel a little out of place. This is no fault of anyone's, but mine. I am uncomfortable inserting myself into his cousins or Aunts and Uncles conversations, and always feel a little like a 5th wheel.  It is during these family functions that I feel like the awkward outsider and start to feel homesick. Silly right!?!
I would love nothing more then to have an opportunity to have a family get together with my side of our family. I would love to sit around the dinner table again with my 9 siblings, their spouses and kids and my parents, and feel like I fit in. But unfortunately that isn't in the cards this year.
I don't mean to sound all grumpy about the holidays, they just seem to remind me of the things I am missing. I generally put aside all thoughts of stuff like that during the year. I do really like where we live and I understand that families live apart and its ok, I would even go as far as to say I like it. I get to be away from the stresses that family can sometimes cause. But the holidays change that a little and make me feel sad. So, for me,  please enjoy the time that you get to spend with your families this year. Enjoy the time it takes to drive or fly to visit them. Enjoy the meal that you get to eat with them. Just take it all in and smile. AND understand that there are some of us that would love to be doing what you are doing and don't get too.

I have also been trying to think of things I am thankful for, not just things that make me feel sad. :)

I am thankful to have a family that loves me. I am thankful to live in a safe place. I am thankful that we are healthy. I am thankful that we are so blessed. I could go on and on. Mostly at the moment I am thankful for this opportunity that we as a family have to change the course of a persons life. But it also changes ours. I have also been thinking about how the dynamic of our family is going to change soon. While I couldn't be more excited about that prospect, this year will be the last time we will spend the holidays just as we are now. After this Christmas, everything changes. What a blessing it is to know that we have not only been blessed with 4 beautiful children biologically, but that we are blessed to have another that we feel is ours, just come to us a different way. So I will spend my holidays enjoying my children and looking forward to the time that we get to bring our new family member home to celebrate her first Thanksgiving and Christmas with us next year.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.

The Last Couple Of Weeks

I haven't posted in a little while because I was trying to keep the information about our fun run easy to find. BTW, we had about 18 people run with us on Saturday and we even had a few extra families come and donate even though they couldn't run. The Mr and I REALLY appreciate all that supported us. You truly don't understand what that means to us. We also had a successful fundraising event at My Sisters Closet. So thank you to all that attended that night. We hope that you were able to find some really cute clothes!! And Thank you to Sarah Stern for organizing that for us and The Frei family.

We have had some interesting things happen in the course of the last week or so.
We had sent our dossier over to Ukraine and had it translated and finally submitted into the SDA. We were so excited and our wait time began. Well, about a week and a half after it was submitted, I received a phone call from David, our facilitator. He told me that something had happened that ironically had NEVER happened before. Apparently our marriage licenses that we submitted were not in fact, our marriage licenses!! What?? How could this happen?? Well let me tell you how.
I paid for certified copies of our license, and assumed that they would give me the correct ones, because they do check all your info before printing them out. I thought I had looked at them, but I didn't. I had them apostilled and and sent over to be translated and everyone missed it. The Provo office that issued our license had saved someone elses document under our names. BIG mistake on their part that cost us an extra $200 and 2 weeks in our process. It shouldn't be a big deal but it really throws our chances of getting an appointment over there this year. We are still hoping, I have heard that their wait time is a little shorter at the moment, so there might still be a chance, so please pray for us.

I received another email from Melaynia (the orphanage director) after i wrote to Olena. She told us that Olena asks her about us every day and is eagerly waiting for us to come and get her. Oh how I  love to hear that. It makes me feel so happy to know that this beautiful young girl is excited to be a part of our family. It makes all the hard work and stress and money issues and worrying all worth it. We are not doing this just because it's the right thing. We are doing this because she should be here with us. I am so glad that she feels that way as well.

Since we are now able to accept tax deductible donations, we are looking for businesses that might be willing to offer us some help. If you know any businesses that might consider it, please let me know their contact info. I have drafted a letter to hopefully send to as many companies or people as possible.  Also PLEASE continue to share our story and our blog with everyone that you know. We would love to see our daughter this holiday season! We would be so grateful.