It's been a while since I have been able to get on here. End of school is almost here and life just gets crazy. We also lost the Mr's Grandpa a couple of weeks ago to liver failure. It was a hard week, in which we spent most nights at the hospital, just be there when he passed. The kids were able to say a last goodbye to him, which I know he heard even though he was sleeping, the night he passed away. I was asked to sing at his funeral. This was the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do. I was told it was great, but I cried almost the whole time so I am not really sure how great it could have been.
This man, was not my Grandfather, but he treated me like he was. I was never very close to my own Grandparents. For one reason or another, they never really had much to do with me while I was growing up. Now that I'm older and I live far away, I don't feel like I have any relationship with my one remaining Grandparent. But Charlie, even though he was a man of few words, always made me feel like I was part of his family, and was always happy to see me. I will miss his smiling welcoming face. But I am grateful to him for helping my husband become the man he is today. He was a great example to him and also to my kids and he will be missed.
While reflecting on his passing and while preparing to sing I came across a song that has profoundly touched me. It is called "If I Only Had Today" and is written by Hilary Weeks. In it, it talks about all the things you would do if you knew that today was the last day you had with your loved ones. You would let the phone ring, and leave the dishes in the sink. You would wake up early and watch them quietly sleep. You would memorize every detail of their face, but mostly you would tell them that you love them over and over and remind them of forever and how the love that you have would never change. At the end of the song it reminds us we can do all these things BECAUSE I have today.
Why do I forget these simple things sometimes? Why do I forget that any moment could be our last? Is it human nature to be in the moment and think that what ever is pressing us right then, is the most important thing there is? I don't know. How many times have you said to your kids or or husband 'hang on a minute, I need to get this done first'? I am ashamed to say I do this all the time.
I know, that my kids know, that I love them, and I would hope that my husband knows it as well. I tell them all the time, but is it enough? Do I go out of my way to show them how much I love them? Not as often as I should. My dishes and my laundry and the many other pressing chores I find myself focusing my time on during the day, are not nearly as important as the time I should spend drawing with or cuddling or just talking with my kids, if I was smarter.
Life is short, and can be taken from us at any moment. The Mr's Grandpa lived a great life. He was 85 y/o and it was still a shock to us when we realized he would actually die. Some people don't get the opportunity to live as long as he did. Do we really want to miss out on all the good stuff because we were too busy? I know I don't.
So if you ever come visit me, and I tell you not to judge me because my house is a mess, and even though I try hard it usually is, you will know it is because I am blessed with another day!
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